by Valerie Hewitt

“How can anyone be so thoughtless?”
“That was a really rude thing to do; this guy is a real jerk.”

Have you ever found yourself thinking such thoughts about someone else’s behavior? Probably. Many people say things like this (or worse) when they see someone else behave in a way that they don’t understand.

It is normal to question what we don’t understand. A problem develops, however, when we start making assumptions about the person who performed the questionable action.

As a general rule, we understand the basic reasons why we do what we do. There may be some deep, psychological reason for why we don’t like X, but we do like Y, but many people don’t have that level of understanding. In some cases, we don’t need to know anything that deeply.

We get up and go to work. We get ourselves fed and we engage in some basic elements of housekeeping. It usually isn’t necessary to question why we prefer pasta to rice, or Ford to Chevy. We understand we like certain movies better than other movies and one form of music over another. These are preferences we have developed over our lives and we recognize that everyone has a different set of preferences. We know people are different.

We know that, but we don’t always think about it. In fact, even though we know that other people have their own ideas, attitudes and opinions, we don’t always give other people credit for having different ideas.

“That Manager is a Real Jerk”

The following example may be a bit exaggerated, but it is used to explain a principle, so go with the ideas, not the example exactly as it is written.

Suppose, for example, that you have been going to a store for several months. In all that time, maybe you had to return an item, for whatever reason, once. Just for example, suppose the manager on duty at that time gave you a hard time. You were upset at the store, but, over time, you stopped thinking about that incident.

Now, you need to return another item, possibly for a very different reason. There is a new manager. You go to the return desk and maybe you are a bit “difficult”, because you expect to get the same treatment you got when you returned the first item. Things were better for you this time, but you are thinking that they worked for you because of your behavior. You are thinking this new manager must be a jerk, simply because the first manager was. You thought you needed to behave this way because that is what you learned from your earlier experience.

Even if you wouldn’t behave this way, can you understand how someone might think and behave that way? Now, let’s look at this a bit more closely.

You, returning the item, believe you have a reason for behaving the way you do. You aren’t generally a difficult person, but you believe that being difficult was necessary. You think you are a reasonable person and the managers at the store are just “jerks”. What do you think the second manager is thinking?

The second manager has no idea why you are behaving this way. Perhaps you did mention the earlier problem. Even so, the second manager believes that YOU are the jerk and he/she is behaving appropriately.

So, who is “the jerk” in this situation? Depending on the person being asked, both people are “jerks”.

The Fundamental Attribution Error

While that might seem a bit unfair to some people, this story illustrates a concept called “The Fundamental Attribution Error” that is very familiar to people who study the behavior of other people. Let’s make that fancy name simpler.

The process is fundamental. Everyone does it. It is also an error because most people make mistakes when they judge the behavior of others. The attribution part simply means that we attribute (credit) other people with a variety of incorrect thoughts or characteristics.

As in the example mentioned above, we all think we have reasons for our behavior. The error is that we rarely believe that the other person also has reasons for his or her behavior. We simply see the behavior and attribute some kind of character problem to the other person. WE have reasons; THEY are simply stupid, jerks, insane, thoughtless, etc. Pick your favorite characteristic

We know that a situation can change our behavior. We behave one way if we have had enough sleep, we aren’t hungry and we aren’t overly stressed. When we are tired, hungry and stressed, we may not behave in a nice way, but that is only because of the situation. We try to explain that to other people, but guess what?

They are thinking that they have reasons for their behavior – but YOU are stupid, a jerk, insane, thoughtless, etc.

Think about it: If someone cuts you off on the highway, you may have some less than pleasant reactions. Later, you swerve to keep from hitting a driver who suddenly starts to move into your lane. You know you have a reason for swerving, but what do you think the person in the next lane thinks? How do you know that the person who cut in front of you earlier didn’t have to suddenly swerve, just as you did?

When we judge the behavior of other people, we need to take into consideration that those people generally have reasons for that behavior. You might not think the reasons are valid. You may disagree with the ideas behind that reasoning, but other people do generally have reasons for why they do what they do, just like you also have reasons for what you do.

The Fundamental Attribution Error is based on the observation that very few people can recognize or understand the reasoning behind the behavior of others. Rather than bothering to think about the possible underlying reasons for their behavior, we attribute some kind of general characteristic to them. We don’t give them credit for having a reason and acting on that reason.

The flip side of this is that we think people realize we have reasons for what we do. If you think about the examples, you will realize that other people aren’t considering your reasons. Only you are doing that. They don’t think you have a reason. You know you do.

Maybe, just maybe, the next time you start judging someone else’s behavior, you might want to stop and think about how they are judging yours! That might be a good time to talk about your mutual reasons, so you both can understand each other better.