“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
- Robert McCloskey

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where, instead of paying close attention to what others are saying, you find yourself trying to come up with a witty response? If you have you’re definitely not alone.

One of the most important aspects of effective communication is our listening skills. Imagine how wonderful the world could be if everyone really made an effort not only to listen, but to actually try to understand what others are saying.

Most people listen only in a superficial way because they are already thinking about and preparing their reply before the speaker is even done talking.

Effective communication requires a shift to empathic listening. In order to truly understand what someone is saying, you also need to understand their perspective and frame of reference.

Below are 8 tips to help you become a better listener…

1. Listen for ideas and central themes

Seek to understand the speaker’s central theme or main points instead of getting lost in, or just reacting to, the supportive details.

2. Judge content, not delivery

Focus on what the speaker is saying and try not to be unduly influenced by his or her way of saying it.

3. Put yourself in their shoes

If you want to understand where a speaker is coming from, you have to see things from their perspective and frame of reference.

4. Don’t jump to conclusions

It’s easy to assume that you know the rest of a sentence or message after hearing the beginning. Avoid prejudging a message, so you can receive and evaluate all of it.

5. Concentrate and resist distraction

External distractions include non-related things you can see or hear, or which may be impacting your other senses. Internal distractions occur when your mind wanders into unrelated memories or shifts its focus to worries, plans, or anticipations.

6. Use the fast pace of thought to your advantage

Most people can think three or four times faster than they speak. Don’t let your quick mind indulge in all sorts of thoughts unrelated to the conversation, or by trying to prepare a reply in your head while you are trying to listen.

7. Check your emotions

It has been said that the intellect is a slave to emotions. Be sensitive to things that trigger your emotions and increase your efforts to focus on a clear reception and understanding of what is being said.

8. Work at listening

Be an active listener. Ask questions and seek clarification. Actively share in the sender’s efforts to improve your level of understanding, whether or not you think you will agree.